Microsoft Announces Adopt-An-Indie Program

In a move to help support the developers of Xbox Live Indie Games (XBLIG), Microsoft has launched an “Adopt-An-Indie” program.  Microsoft’s Xbox Live PR team sent the following email out this morning:

We at Microsoft are very concerned about the plight of the Xbox Live Indie Game developer.  These developers suffer from a delusional psychosis that leads them to believe they are actual game developers.  Many are living in parent’s basements or being supported by a close friend who doesn’t have the heart to tell them the truth.

Microsoft has made attempts in the past to educate XBLIG developers.  From feature and platform restrictions to service outages, nothing has been effective at reaching developers:

We have taken away critical features like Achievements, Leaderboard, and Internet access from XBLIG developers in hopes they would leave the platform for a better system.  Who wants to play an Xbox game without Achievements?  Sadly, these developers keep making games no one wants to play.  We have also tried poor customer service to drive away developers, and even stopped all direct communication with them, but still they make these crappy games.

This new program signifies a new approach to the problem.  Current research believes that these developers are naturally attracted to mistreatment, and some even need the abuse to function in their daily lives:

If these developers didn’t have an issue to rant about on an internet forum, they would have to face the truth about their reality.  Experts have advised us that should we end the program, these dysfunctional developers will scatter into other areas of software development.  Could you imagine one of these developers writing the code behind your banking website or the software that controls an MRI?  It’s best for everyone we keep them in the basement.

Our new Adopt-An-Indie program will help support these developers and the loved ones who care for them.  When someone buys an Xbox Live Indie Game, a portion of the proceeds will go directly to the developer.  This money can be used to buy food, clothing, and help cover the costs of psychiatric counseling.  Most of the developers are not functioning at a high enough social level to manage things like a checking account, so in many cases we will work with the loved one or state provided care taker when sending the support.

This new program is up and running today.  Those wanting to help can sign in to their Xbox 360, or go to the Indie Game section and purchase an indie game to support a developer.  The game will be downloaded to your Xbox 360 console as a memento of your donation, and can be deleted at any time.  After all, who wants to play an Xbox game without Achievements?

Leave a comment